I grew up in New Zealand. I was born and raised in the village of Ashhurst, in the Manawatu district. Ashhurst is 14 kilometres from Palmerston North and about 150 kilometres north of Wellington, New Zealand’s capital city.
I was brought up Exclusive Brethren, originally called Plymouth Brethren. This is a fundamentalist, Christian group that uses cult-like tactics to control its members.
Exclusive Brethren practice separation from the rest of the world. As a child, this meant no radio or recorded music; no novels or magazines; no movies; no school outings or plays or sports; no make-up, no haircuts, and a strict dress code.
Right from the get go it seems I fought the rules. I was six years old when I took advantage of ‘show and tell’ to announce to the class that when I grew up I would spit on God. It took me many years to realise that I couldn’t blame God for the Exclusive Brethren or for any other religion, come to that.
Despite the no-novel rule, I loved books, especially Anne of Green Gables. If books weren’t available, and they rarely were, then I wrote my own stories.
I left the church when I was almost 17 and moved to Auckland. When you leave the Exclusive Brethren you are excommunicated and cut off from family and friends who remain in the church. I was fortunate because three years later, my parents and my younger brothers also left as did two of my mother’s sisters and their families.
Nevertheless, it was a deep loss. My grandparents and most of my extended family remained true to the church and I never saw them again. It’s a loss that leaves you with a feeling of not belonging, of having no culture, no turangawaewae as the Maori people would say. Turangawaewae is our bond with our ancestors. It is our home and our foundation. It is our memories and our stories.
My life now
I live in Canada in the Toronto Beaches neighbourhood. I’ve lived here for a good part of my adult life. Nine months of the year, I love it here. January through March, not so much!
I have two daughters and one son, all adopted, and I have a granddaughter and a grandson. They all live nearby. Together, we’ve survived some tough times.
I’ve been divorced and on my own now for longer than I was married.
If there is one thing I have learned it is that nothing is constant, not the bad and not the good. And write it all down, it helps to sort things out.
Writing it down has helped me to find my turangawaewae.
